I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
When are your genitals available?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
