I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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