just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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