my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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