It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I need water and some morals
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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