possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
