it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
