bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
