are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
