whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
