atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
