I heard we made out
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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