i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
wow bdsm is so cute
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
