Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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