I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
