and you said cock pushups were impossible
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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