I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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