I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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