you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
