She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I intend to get homeless drunk
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
