so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I am midnight drunk by noon
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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