But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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