Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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