the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
