Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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