also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
