1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
