This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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