I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
