Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
