What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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