I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
