Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
