Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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