that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
