i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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