my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
