I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
