All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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