So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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