Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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