Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
