i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
