And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
