I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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