I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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