He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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