I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
That's how pantless uber rides happen
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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