I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
