Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
