i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
