Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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