Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
