$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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