you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
