Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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