I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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