I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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