Whod you bang
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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