wakey wakey hands off snakey
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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